Tervist kõigile!
Koroonaajal ning pika taastumisprotsessi jooksul jõudsin palju lugeda ja mõtiskleda. Ühtlasi on see olnud aeg, mis on laiendanud minu maailmapilti ja minu senine peamine roll – kiiruisutaja Saskia Alusalu – ei kõneta mind enam.
Kõigile Teile, kes Te olete aidanud mul teekonna tippsporti võimalikuks teha ja kellega koos sain seda jagada – ütlen suur aitäh! Siit edasi olen otsustanud ühele vägevale etapile oma elus joone alla tõmmata.
Olen tänulik kõigi mulle antud võimaluste ja kogemuste eest. Ja selle eest, et olen saanud sporti teha maksimaalselt motiveerituna, täielikult pühendudes ning kõigest muust loobudes. Kuid pärast pea aasta pikkust taastumisprotsessi ei taha mu keha ja mu vaim ennast enam lõhkuda. Sport – see on minu jaoks eelkõige inspireerimine. Nii enda, pealtvaatajate kui ka noorte. Erinevad mullid ei kõneta. Üle laipade minemist pole ma endast võimeline välja pigistama. Sport on olnud kogu mu elu. Iga mu liigutus. Arvestades ala spetsiifikat on selle osaks alati olnud tohutu arv treeningtunde, taastumine, varustuse eest hoolitsemine ning organisatoorne pool, toetajatega ja meediaga suhtlemine.
Olen elanud ja olnud selles samas spordikarussellis üle 10 aasta. Neist 8 elanud üksinda väikeses Saksamaa külakeses. Raske on luua liiga tihedaid sidemeid, sest uuel nädalal oled juba järgmises riigis ja hotellituba just kodutunnet ei tekita. Sportlasena on Su maailm väga kitsas. Selles elus on tihti ainult üks eesmärk – olla kiirem, olla parem. Kunagi ei saa piisavalt rahul olla…
Siinkohal ei ole põhjust pikalt rääkida, milliseid ohvreid peab tooma, kui oled otsustanud mõnes valdkonnas tippu jõuda. Küll aga tahaksin jagada teiega tunnet, et ei ole kerge loobuda millestki, milles oled hea.
Me räägime vähe sellest, et enamik tippsportlastest ei tule mitte kunagi spordist tervelt välja – eriti vaimses, kuid ka füüsilises mõttes. Me vaikime tippspordi varjukülgedest ja tagajärgedest. Paljude spordialade kõrvalt ei jää ruumi mitte millekski muuks elus, ka haridustee jääb tihti poolikuks. Aastad lähevad, pigistades endast välja kõik, ilma igasuguse garantiita, võideldes suurte riikide süsteemide vastu. Kui üks hetk taas Eestis, hariduse ja koduta, oma kolme kohvriga maandud, siis avastadki, et see ongi kõik, mis Sul on. Ka kogu tahtejõud on sporti jäetud. Kui just karastavaid elu õppetunde mitte arvestada.
William Golding on öelnud: Ma ei ole enam see poiss, kes 20 aastat tagasi vaatas õitsvat õunapuud, küll aga ma TEAN, et ma OLIN see poiss. Samamoodi tunnen end mina praegu, kui mõtlen tulevikule.
Minuni on jõudnud selge teadmine, et ma pole enam valmis ajutise edu nimel seadma ohtu oma tervist tulevikku silmas pidades. Soovin olla ise terve ja teha kõik selleks, et igakülgselt terveid inimesi oleks rohkem.
See pole ”head aega” sport. Armastada tuleb mitte ennast spordis, vaid sporti endas. Sellele arusaamale tuginedes soovin enda seniseid kogemusi ja omandatud ning veel omandamata teadmisi edasi anda, et maailm oleks kasvõi natukenegi parem paik.
Seetõttu loodan, et kohtume peagi 🙂
This is not a “goodbye” sport
I have come a long way in the last year. Due to covid lockdowns and the prolonged recovery from my health issuses, I managed to read quite a few books, and was able to slow down and really think, I broadened my horizons and in return made me question my choices. I started wondering about my role as a Speedskater Saskia Alusalu. I feel that label does not define me any longer.
I am immensely grateful for all the people that helped me on my way and made it possible for me to achieve everything I did but with a heavy heart I have made the decision to end this absolutely amazing journey I’ve had as an athlete.
I have started to realise I have missed out on life in certain regards and hence have lost motivation to commit myself to the level that is required to be a top athlete. Especially considering the situation in the world. I want the Olympics to stay in my memory as they were. But even more that the mental part, I feel I am unable to carry on putting so much stress on my body because I feel it is at a breaking point and cannot bear this amount of training any longer. And if I’m not going to be able to give it my all, I feel there is no point in carrying on doing it half-heartedly.
Sports has been my whole life for years now. Every move and decision I made was about sports. Considering the specifics of speed skating – the long hours of training, the recovery time, maintaining the equipment, being my own manager and secretary as well as the communication with media and cooperation with partners, I feel I am unable to carry on as it is because it is simply too much for one person to carry. You give it everything you can and squeeze all the juice out of you, fighting against the systems that are in place in large sporting nations. The way athletes from those countires have whole teams behind them and all they have to do is focus on the sport side. As mentioned above, I had to be my own team.
I have been going around this sports carousel for over 10 years, 8 of those I lived most of the time alone in a small village in Germany, away from all of my friends and family. It’s difficult to have any kind of connection to anyone as you’re in a new country each week, staying in hotel rooms with absolutely no sense of belonging.
It is not necessary to talk about all the sacrifices one has to make to reach the top, but I felt the need to explain that it is not easy to give up something I’m good at. We don’t really talk about what happens to athletes after the career ends – how it affects us mentally but also physically. We don’t share the downsides and consequences of being a top athlete. For one, there is no room for anything other than training and everything associated with it. The issue of further education for example, or the lack of it, which then affects the athletes deepest because the opportunities after the career ends, are scarce.
The years go by, then you move back home and have no idea where you belong, you have no education, all your belonging fit in three suitcases and this is literally all you have in the whole world.
I feel very strongly about not putting any more strain on my body, I feel like I need to make sure I am still able to live a quality life in the future but I need a healthy-enough body for it. I don’t want to be a wrung-out towel any more (this is something my physio actually called me).
My new career path allows me to approach sport from a different angle but allowing me to stay closely connected to the field and making it possible to interconnect my already valuable experience as an Olympic athlete with new knowledge as a physiotherapist (studying at University of Tartu) and a coach (already have a coaching certificate (EQF level 4) and taking another 7 month course to educate myself even more) and perhaps even something bigger will grow out of this?!
This is not a “goodbye” sport. You shouldn’t love yourself in sports, but the sports in you. I would like to offer my knowledge and experience to make people healthier and help them feel better in their bodies and therefire make the world a better place.
I hope to see you soon. 🙂